I refuse to compete for your affection
I’d rather find refuge in my destination
I will be not desperate but single
I will walk the streets with dignity
My heart is working overtime for you
My pride does not recognize you
My eyes will forever see you
My mind will always be aware
I won’t deny the facts
I won’t pretend you don’t exists
My soul is attached to yours
My serenity will be intact
I will love you Goddess of Africa
Until my soul disappear into air
The whiteness of my teeth will be seen by your roots
The coarseness of my hair will be cherished by you
Oh, I yell you the mother of my heart!
The pompous effect you have on me
The jubilant feeling you bring to my being
The resurrected heart- beat that wakes the neighbors
The patience you have when you are in labour
I prefer you the opus of my canvas!
My lingering wishes painted in pink
With the absorbance of peace
That keeps my heart on its toes
That relents me to destroy my toys
I will hold on to you with my claws!
In the process hope you don’t bleed
I would never wish to see your cheeks wet
The tears will not look good on you
That it will tarnish your appearance
Verses can certainly not do you uprightness!
I lie awake at night
Like a hawk it is watching me
Just when I’m about to sleep
It makes the annoying sounds
My mind has overworked trying to figure it out
Not even science can explain it
I’m afraid to talk about it again
Because they did not hear it
They will not understand it
They will think I’m losing it
They will think I need psychiatric evaluation
While the universe is opening up to me
The earth is opening my ears
To hear the mysteries of the night
To dream of the agonizing
To endure the pain it inflicts on my soul
To understand that the night is meant to be serene
To just wait until I fall asleep
Then I can’t hear it no more
Then I wake up as if nothing happened
I put a smile on my face and say
I slept well.
Lost it and everything went black
Raised my hopes up and got rejected
My capabilities tested but the results were futile
Took deep breaths to allow the air to pass through my chest cavity
Chest so tight letting go of all hope
Wasted time and energy never regained
The nauseating watery mucus flowing into my lips
I’m not disgusting, I just lost!
Lost the key that can open many doors
Lost the value of my rationality
The veins on my forehead pumping hard
Making my eyes very red
Just because I had lost
Not just loss but demeaned
Reminded that it will not rain.
Pinched on my ribcage
Pumping slowly, weightily
As I take deep breaths
While the needle goes in
Trying to patch up what’s left of it
Sewing all holes on it
And I walk with my head held high
Boosting of confidence that is wrecked
Hiding the drainage it has experienced
Only if I could hold it in my hand
And show my acquaintances how fragile it is
How worn out and damaged it is
Then they will accept it without judgment
Then maybe it won’t be tormented
No! It is no okay
To feel this pain
To feel this helpless
To be so moody
It is really not okay
To carry so much with my shoulders
For my heart to be this heavy
To have to pretend that I’m not breaking
For stopping tears not to fall on my cheeks
NO! It is not okay
To wipe falling waters on my face
I want them to dry up on their own
I want to scream my lungs out in agony
I want to question the face of the earth
It will never be okay!
To please my ego because I don’t want the world to laugh
To please my family because they are all I have
To conform to conventional norms because it is my culture
To continue pretending to be strong for others
It can never be okay to live like this!
Like a teabag you dissolve into my soul
Like my fingernails you grow back, few days just after I cut them
Like my hair you keep on twisting, making a stronger dreadlock
Like a chewing gum you make a mess on my clothes
It is evident I can’t separate you from me!
Cutting you off is just a waste of time cause you going to grow back!
You withstand the harshness of the environment!
I can’t be angry at you because your face puts a smile on my face!
My mind is infested by our imagined lives together
Your voice soothes my soul I just fall asleep
You are the goddess I wish to worship
When I look at you I see heaven.