TRAPPED

Even though swimming is my hobby I can’t put my head up from the water. I would do it when the companion is far away from me, once they get closer I swim with my head under I cannot come out to catch a breath. Have I lost so much that I developed a phobia? All of a sudden I pay attention to my swimming costume .Then my mind gets invaded that what I’m wearing is torn. I then make it a point that no one recognizes what kind of a swimmer I am. My true identity is hidden under the water because that is where I can swim effortlessly unnoticed. The thought of my competitor to see my swimming gear makes me want to disappear into the caves and hide there. Mind you, I’m not swimming in public pools or beaches but in the rivers and wells. I am afraid for anyone to come into contact with my skin or touch it and feel the severity of the scars. The tears that will flow after realizing how brutal my scars are can fill up the ocean. How can I drain another of so much water from their body? I know that their lives will change forever. The are two scenarios, one is that I fear rejection and I seem to understand why one would not like to feel my scars for their everyday life and trying to get me out of worn-out swimming costume. So much time and effort though, yet time is not on any man’s side. Who would want to waste their gift of life visiting such trauma whereas they can have a happy a happy life where they are not reminded that pain really exist in this world. The second one is, I could come out and let everyone see everything. Deal with the pity in my competitor’s eyes or be the case study for the upcoming generation. The  problem lies in whether will I be able to pump up my self-esteem or I will have sleepless nights .My whole being will be out there for everyone to see and comment on, how mortifying though to have to go through such?…….

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